


Doubts

by AcesOfSpade



Series: LGBTalk [20]
Category: All New X-Men (Comics), Uncanny X-Men, X-Men (Comicverse)
Genre: All-New X-Men (2012) #40, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Family Fluff, Fluff, I don't know how to tag this tbh, Internalized Homophobia, It has a five year old child, It has a sad monologue about internalized homophobia turned into a monologue abt a husband, It's got dialogue stolen from the comics, It's got sappy romance, Light Angst, M/M, Uncanny X-Men (2013) #600, it's got angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-11
Updated: 2020-12-11
Packaged: 2021-03-11 04:34:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,698
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28009293
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AcesOfSpade/pseuds/AcesOfSpade
Summary: Bobby Drake has been having some...doubtssince he found himself in the future. A confrontation with Jean Grey, and then a conversation with himself of all people, leads to some closure.
Relationships: Bobby Drake/Jamie Madrox
Series: LGBTalk [20]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/378694
Kudos: 4





	Doubts

**Author's Note:**

> Has it been 25 millions years since I've posted anything? Yes. Did I rip dialogue from ANXM 40 and UX 600? Perhaps. Did I make future!Bobby's soul-crushing monologue about internalized homophobia something sweet and v gay? Absolutely. Did I shamelessly stick in one of my four MultipleIce child OCs for cute points? You bet your ass I did.

When Bobby first met his future self, something seemed... off about him. He wore a wedding ring, white gold with emeralds and sapphires, but never talked about his wife. Bobby even tried asking once, but his future self changed the subject. He tried asking _others_ about his future self’s wife, but got weird looks from everyone he asked, and was told not to worry about it. It was _maddening_ that he knew nothing about the woman he was supposed to marry.

Thoughts of Bobby’s future wife were put out of his head when he was thrust into saving the galaxy with his teammates, which was absolutely wild. Space was wild. Returning to Earth _from_ space with a cosmically-enhanced Angel was wild.

Lying on grass for the first time since returning to Earth felt nice, like a familiar blanket being pulled over his shoulders. Laying there are the team gave a cheer for Earth, Bobby had all but forgotten trying to figure out who his wife was supposed to be when Magik appeared with a bag that no doubt came from a fast food place.

_Do I marry her?_ he wondered to himself. _Would I want to? She’s not really my type._ He was about ready to drop that line of thinking after his salute to Magik’s hotness when Jean confronted him, making his heart beat a little faster. He really needed to control his thoughts around her, because as of late, they had begun to stray into dangerous territory, especially after finding out some very critical information just before his adventure into space. That information had really opened his eyes to some things about his future self’s marriage he should’ve realized earlier.

“Why do you say things like that?” Jean asked softly, her tone gentle but concerned.

“What? About Magik’s hotness? Because she is,” Bobby shrugged, starting to feel extremely nervous. Where was this going?

“No, I know,” Jean assured him, making a dismissive gesture with her hand. “And trust me, she knows. But...,” she trailed off.

“But...” Bobby frowned, nerves bubbling in his chest. She needed to stop that line of questioning right then, because he was scared he knew where it was going, and he did _not_ want to be talking about that with _Jean_.

“You know...” Jean said, shrugging and moving her hands in little circles as if to prompt Bobby to say it himself.

“What?” Bobby asked, his face completely blank. She better not say anything, or Bobby might just have a breakdown. He hadn’t even seriously considered the possibility himself yet, and now it looked like Jean was going to make him.

“Come on...” Jean prompted, an expression on her face that would’ve been adorable if Bobby wasn’t so fucking _terrified_ of this conversation.

“What’s happening?” Bobby asked after a beat of silence, hoping to deflect the conversation away from where he knew it was going.

“Bobby...” Jean trailed off, letting out a small sigh, “you’re gay.”

In that moment, Bobby panicked. His eyes widened and his heart began racing as he felt his palms begin to sweat under his gloves.

“What? Why... why would you say that?” he asked, his tone panicked and tight.

“Because I’m a psychic, I can hear your thoughts,” Jean said gently.

“Don’t... Hey, d-don’t do that,” Bobby muttered, starting to back away from Jean as he started to hear his heart beating in his ears.

“Sorry, but-,” Jean began, but Bobby cut her off.

“Stop!” Bobby said firmly, or at least as firmly as he could. Why did she have to bring it up? He didn’t want her to bring it up.

“You’re thinkng it right now,” Jean pointed out.

“Stop it,” Bobby repeated, his tone beginning to shake and waver.

“I’m not doing anything,” Jean said in a slightly defensive tone.

“I’m not...” Bobby muttered, shaking his head slowly as he backed away from Jean a bit more.

“You are,” Jean said firmly.

“I’m thinking it because you said it,” Bobby lied, pointing at Jean in an accusatory manner.

“I said it because you were thinking it,” Jean countered gently.

“Shh. No!” Bobby almost shouted, putting a hand up between himself and Jean to distance them.

“It doesn’t matter to me, or to anyone else. It’s just...” Jean tried to assure him, only to be cut off by him erecting an ice wall between them.

“Shhh!” Bobby all but hissed at her, his panic slowly bleeding away into some other emotion he couldn’t understand at the moment.

“Bobby,” Jean sighed, brushing some of her hair away from her face.

“But my older self, he _isn’t_ ,” Bobby muttered, poking his head around the edge of the ice wall. “We’ve met him. He’s _married_ ,” he reminded her.

“I know,” Jean nodded.

“So...” Bobby trailed off.

“But you-,” Jean began.

“Stop,” Bobby shook his head.

“-are,” Jean finished.

“Why everyone is in love with you, I have no idea,” Bobby sighed in defeat, stepping out from behind his ice wall to stand next to Jean.

“Yeah, because you’re gay,” Jean giggled, hoping to lighten the mood with a joke.

“Hey!” Bobby said, holding up a finger towards her.

“Too soon?” Jean asked in amusement.

“Waaaaaaaaay too soon,” Bobby nodded in exasperation. After a beat, he spoke again, his tone soft and confused. “How can my older self not be, but I am?” he asked.

“I don’t know. It’s a unique situation,” Jean answered gently.

“How?” Bobby wondered.

“Ask him,” Jean shrugged.

“Because maybe, he couldn’t handle being a mutant _and_ gay in a society that had issues with both? And one is easier to ‘put away’ than the other?” Bobby reasoned. That sounded... logical. At least, he thought it did.

“I don’t know,” Jean said softly.

“But he dated women,” Bobby recalled, making gestures with his hands, a look of confused exasperation on his face.

“Not well,” Jean interjected.

“He dated _Kitty Pryde,_ ” Bobby pointed out.

“And now she no longer lives on planet Earth,” Jean pointed out.

Bobby sighed, rubbing the back of his neck with both hands as he looked at his feet.

“Maybe I’m bi,” he tried to reason, putting his hands on his hips. He couldn’t see himself dating women if he wasn’t attracted to them, so he _had_ to be bi, right?

“They say everybody is,” Jean shook her head.

“They do?” Bobby sighed, deflating in almost defeat. _Had_ he dated all of those women to avoid the truth? God, he hoped not. That was.... frankly pathetic, and really sad.

“But I think you’re more... full gay,” Jean said gently.

“Yeah...” Bobby trailed off. “...I know,” he whispered, looking away.

He fell silent for a few moments before resting his face in his snow-filled palm. “I thought... I really thought I was crazy,” he muttered into his palm, his voice broken and sad.

“I know,” Jean said softly.

“Or just not... I don’t know,” Bobby sighed. “Sorry I yelled at you.”

“That’s one of the good things about being here as opposed to where we come from,” Jean pointed out. “I don’t think anybody here cares.”

“You think?” Bobby asked, his tone beginning to sound almost... hopeful.

“Not like back then,” Jean shook her head.

“That’s probably true,” Bobby nodded slowly.

Suddenly, Bobby found himself pulled into a tight hug, returning it almost instantly.

“I don’t know what I want to do with all of this yet,” he admitted, still hugging Jean tightly.

“It’s no one’s business until you say it is,” Jean said softly.

“Except for, it seems, you,” Bobby reminded her. “Nosy bitch,” he whispered in a fond tone.

“Thank God for me, you overcompensating dork,” Jean chuckled.

“We never hug,” Bobby stated, as if coming to a realization.

“Because you are so, so, _so_ cold,” Jean giggled.

“Sorry,” Bobby chuckled, letting go of her. “Hey, do you think Angel is gay?”

“No,” Jean chuckled, one hand on her shoulder and the other on her side.

“Oh well, he’s too pretty anyhow,” Bobby shrugged.

“I know. It’s a little annoying,” Jean agreed. The two made their way back to the others, only to be sucked into SHIELD drama by the arrival of Maria Hill.

Bobby didn’t get a chance to talk to his future self until the next day, after recruiting some Utopian mutants to the new school.

Bobby had asked Jean to come with him for support, the two leaning against one of the walls in future!Bobby’s bedroom at the Institute. They caught future!Bobby coming back from training, muttering about someone named Goldballs.

“Hi, much older ice-me,” Bobby greeted, his arms crossed over his chest.

“What are _you_ doing here?” future!Bobby asked.

“I need to talk to you,” Bobby said seriously.

“Oh. I don’t like this,” future!Bobby said scratching his chin. “And what is the young Miss Jean Grey doing here?” he asked in concern.

“Support,” Bobby stated.

“Don’t mind me,” Jean assured him.

“Support to talk to me?” future!Bobby asked incredulously, almost getting hostile. “We’re the same person from different time periods. I’m not going to murder you or anything. That would be bad for me. Even though the desire to do so is sometimes overwhelming.”

Bobby took a deep breath to steady himself before he spoke, clenching and unclenching his hands a few times to steel his nerves.

“I’m gay,” he said firmly, and oh _wow_ did it feel _very fucking weird_ to say that out loud. “As it turns out,” he added in a whisper after.

Future!Bobby pulled a face. Bobby couldn’t tell what emotions were behind it, which was making him anxious.

“So that means you are too, right?” Bobby asked, gesturing towards future!Bobby with one hand.

“Oh my God, I am going to _kill_ Henry McCoy for bringing you here,” future!Bobby muttered to himself, rubbing his temple with his right hand as he shoved his left into the pocket of his shorts.

“So, um, I don’t think I want to live my whole life hiding this part of myself,” Bobby said seriously, trying to keep his facial expression neutral. “I understand why maybe you did, though I’m not sure I understand why you still _do_.”

“This is why nobody likes you, Jean Grey,” future!Bobby sighed, running his hand through his hair, though some of the tension in his shoulders relaxed.

Before anyone could respond again, a child of no more than five years old came barreling into the room, her carrot-coloured hair done up in pigtails. She wore a pair of denim overalls and a green and blue striped shirt, wearing exactly one shoe as she threw herself at future!Bobby for a hug.

“Papa!” she giggled, future!Bobby bending down to scoop her up with a grin.

Bobby looked _confused_. No one had mentioned a daughter to him. It was looking more and more like future!Bobby had a wife, which made a rock settle in the pit of his stomach, gnawing at his insides.

“Did I interrupt something, Papa?” the little girl asked in the cutest tone, wrapping her arms around future!Bobby’s neck as he balanced her at his hip.

“Not at all, sweetpea,” future!Bobby shook his head. “Just having a little chat. Where’s your Daddy?” he asked her, and _that_ hit Bobby like a sack of bricks. _That_ was why he got funny looks asking about his future self’s wife, because _he didn’t have one_.

“Daddy’s busy, so I came to find you,” the little girl said, as if it were the most normal thing in the world for a five year old to be running around with one shoe on and no parental supervision.

“I’ll be right back,” future!Bobby stated, stepping out of the room.

Bobby and Jean stood in stunned silence for a few moments before either of them spoke, processing what they had just seen.

“I have a kid?” Bobby blinked, finally breaking the silence. “How am I just finding out about her now?”

“You also have a husband,” Jean pointed out.

“Yeah, one of those too,” Bobby muttered, absolutely mystified.

Future!Bobby returned just then, sans child, but wearing a tiny, fond smile.

“Sorry, Tatiana’s idea of Jamie being busy is him turning his back for two seconds,” future!Bobby chuckled softly, shaking his head. “He was panicking when he couldn’t find her, so I brought her back to him.”

“So you are gay,” Bobby muttered, a fair number of emotions in his voice and on his face.

“I am,” future!Bobby nodded. “I put all my energy into being a mutant and an X-Man, and putting my life in danger every ten minutes for everyone else, and that’s not a brag. I made that choice,” he began, a ball of ice beginning to form over his open palm. “And you ask yourself: can I have just one part of my life I’m not being prosecuted for? Just today, and maybe tomorrow, and then the next week, and then the next week, and then the next week... And then years go by, and it gets easier to put that part of yourself away. And _then_ , so much time goes by, that you say to yourself, late one night: one day, maybe. And then you do things to see if maybe you’re straight. But then, you meet a guy. He’s handsome, he’s funny, he’s a mutant, he’s hiding a lot about himself the way you are, and the two of you just _click_. Then, it’s like a switch has flipped, and suddenly, you start to accept the things about yourself you’ve been hiding for so long just by looking into his eyes. You feel like you’re in some kind of rom-com or something, because spending time with him just feels _right_ , and you’re terrified, because all of your past relationships were you trying to pretend to be something you’re not, and when you’ve finally accepted what you are, you don’t want to squander this beautiful friendship because you want to kiss his stupid-handsome face. Then, he kisses you. Neither of you are expecting it, but neither of you hate it. In fact, you’re the one that goes in for the second kiss. Kissing him feels like coming home, and you don’t want it to stop. Your first relationship after accepting your sexuality is the one you’ll hopefully be in for the rest of your life, and it’s... amazing. I love him _so much_ , and I’d be lost without him.”

As future!Bobby was speaking, the ball of ice he made had begun melting into the palm of his hand, slowly turning into a figurine of ice in the shape of a wedding cake topper, though instead of a bride and a groom, it was two grooms.

“That’s so sappy,” a new voice said from the doorway, drawing everyone’s attention. It belonged to a man around future!Bobby’s age, with chocolate-coloured hair styled in a rather classy undercut, eyes the colour of fresh-cut grass, and Tatiana balanced on his hip. “God, Snowflake, I had no idea you were so sappy,” he teased, making his way over to drop a kiss to future!Bobby’s temple, revealing the very slight three-inch difference in their heights.

“And you’re any better?” future!Bobby countered, his tone utterly fond. Tatiana made a face at the kiss, as any five year old would when their parents were affectionate with each other. “Jean, me, this is Jamie, my husband,” he smiled softly.

“Wow, you were _tiny_ ,” Jamie teased, offering both of them his free hand in turn. “Jamie Madrox, X-Factor Investigations.”

“I am not _tiny_ ,” Bobby muttered defensively, shaking Jamie’s hand anyway.

“You kind of are,” Jamie chuckled. “No muscle, 5’8, probably about 120 soaking wet. Still adorable though.”

Bobby turned pink at that, making Jean giggle as she took Jamie’s hand to shake.

“Nice to meet you,” she chuckled.

Just then, Tatiana let out a yawn, stretching her arms above her head before rubbing her eyes.

“Nap time?” Jamie chuckled.

“Yeah,” Tatiana yawned softly, burying her face in Jamie’s neck.

“I’ll put her to down for a nap. I think Ororo wants everyone in the cafeteria,” Jamie said, carrying Tatiana off deeper into the room.


End file.
